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04.puya - Teoria Furaciunii [ Www.hituri.net ]

Acest articol este un pamflet si orice asemanare cu realitatea este pur intamplatoare




Romania is a country somewhere in Eastern Europe. It has over 900,000 gypsies (Srsly). Romania is considered by most experts to be the Earth's epicenter of all known epic fail. Romanians are a proud and tenacious people, best known for elevating the act of stealing to an art form. Romania is also well known for it's high rate of fetus pwnage.

Typical Romanian Gypo Male.   Typical Romanian Gypo Male.

Romanian supermodel in national costume.  Romanian supermodel in national costume.


Romanian History:

Romanians/Gypsies have a very rich and interesting history, most of it involving one invading empire or another plowing them in the ass. This piece of information is not at all surprising, considering that the romanian nation was born as a result of roman pwnage inflicted upon the dacians.

Among the most notable nations that have trolled Romania are: The Celts, The Persians, The Greeks, The "Thracians", The "Scythians", The Roman Empire, The Goths, The Ottoman Empire, The Austro-Hungarian Empire, The Soviet Union and the tatar hordes.
It is a little known fact that during World War 2, the Romania was actually one of Hitler's allies. Russia, using it's superior military technology, eventually liberated the romanian people from the evil nazis. Some argue that the ruskies overstayed their welcome.

In 1989, Ronald Raegan swooped down from the heavens and pwned the USSR using his secret weapon. The romanians were very grateful and have been mongling Lady Liberty's star spangled cock ever since. 

A typical romanian landscape.  A typical romanian landscape.

A typical romanian village.  A typical romanian village

Politics:

The elections are over,the winrar is President Traian Basescu (he was re-elected,he won against Geaona by .3%),A shit storm is already on its way,from Butthurt Geoana fans who claim that the elections where rigged.  Not that anybody gives a fuck.

Mircea Geoana, the communist candidate and former ambassador to Dumbfuckistan. He has been called a retard by his boss, another communist, Ion Iliescu.the unfortunate looser  Mircea Geoana, the communist candidate and former ambassador to Dumbfuckistan. He has been called a retard by his boss, another communist, Ion Iliescu.the unfortunate looser

Traian Basescu, current president. Because of his highly successful presidential mandate, he hopes romanians will give him another chance to blow them the unfortunate winrar  Traian Basescu, current president. Because of his highly successful presidential mandate, he hopes romanians will give him another chance to blow them the unfortunate winrar

Romanian Economy:

Romanians will sell anything that isn't nailed down. The Romanian word for business is bishnitza and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever miss a bribe. Literally. Romania is really cold in winter so it's likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting foreigners who have a spark of interest in this little corner of the world. Romania doesn't have a traditional form of currency, the most common method of payment being weed. The country's main exports are gypsies and fail.

Dacia is the average romanian car.Every romanian starts learning how to drive on one of these. Some can fail.There is a saying in Romanian culture that if you learn to drive a Dacia you learn to drive any existing car. Dacia eventually was bought by Renault. From then Dacia got international. Being sold all over EU. Some argue that Dacia Logan, the first one to be made by Renault, is the best Dacia so far. But Renault failed to understand the needs of one car on romanian roads. Observe in the pictures

Average Romanian before Renault  Average Romanian before Renault

Average Romanian after Renault  Average Romanian after Renault

Failed romanian driver  Failed romanian driver


Romanian cuisine:

Romanians feed primarily on sunflower seeds. Scientists believe that the average Romanian would eat seeds non stop if he/she wouldn't have to abuse their children and sleep. Romanians only drink tuica [pronounced tzuii-kah].

Every Romanian's favorite food  Every Romanian's favorite food

Romanian Culture:

Favorite Pass times include:

    * Sniffing glue
    * Drinking "tuica": moonshine so strong that it can melt through titanium.
    * Emigrating and once inside the foreign land, harassing the natives.
    * Beating the shit of of each other at soccer matches.
    * Stealing Transylvania back from Hungary, and trolling about it.
    * Having sex with underage girls. You will never get escorted to a certain vehicle for such actions in Romania, which proves it is far superior to the USA
    * Listening to manele, a very sophisticated and intense genre of music. Invented by Nicolae Guta, a gypo that modified the ancient, now forgotten, romanian popular music to a new and improved version for the inteligent romanian! Manele is all about the money, the amount of women a singer has and himself!

The Average Romanian:

The average Romanian is an extremly complicated and intelligent creature. An example of this is the following: A Romanian fucktard ate a bag of cherries without unseeding them, his ass got clogged up with cherry seeds so he shoved a hammer up his ass to try and crush the seeds (Srsly). However, the handle of the hammer broke and the hammer head remained in his ass. Apparently, this particular fucktard wanted moar, so he shoved another hammer up his ass to try get the first one out/smash the seeds. However, the monkey learned from its previous mistake and tied a string around the hammer head so he could pull it back out. The string broke and he ended up with two hammer heads in his ass. The fucktard tried for 3 days to take the hammer heads out himself before visiting a doctor or Romanian voodoo priest.

An average romanian citizen, relaxing the traditional way  An average romanian citizen, relaxing the traditional way


Vlad Tepes:

Contrary to popular belief, Vlad Dracula was not really a bloodthirsty vampire. Most romanians consider him an national hero but this is also false. In truth, Dracula's only notable trait was his ravenous homosexuality. When he was a mere boy he was sent as tribute to the turks. While there, he was impaled on a daily basis by the Sultan himself. It is here that the warlord aquired his habit of sticking very large, very sharp and very phallic objects up innocent people's anuses.

Where Freddy Mercury got the inspiration for his moustache from  Where Freddy Mercury got the inspiration for his moustache from

The Emo Menace:

While the stupidity of cops, both Romanian and of other nations, is known throught the world, very few foreign cops could produce such large amounts of lulz. It started when a 12 year old girl became an hero and soon the press was alerted to the "dangerous emo cult". As it was expected, instead of listening to common sense, the cops listened to the fear mongerers and engaged serious survailance equipment to stalk and catch a bunch of emo faggots in the act , after which they were taken away and given to shrinks.

Trolling Romanians

Although Romanians are as dumb as dogshit. Here are a few ways to make friends with them:

    * Ask them about their gypsy caravans.
    * Tell them Transylvania never belonged to them, it was always part of Hungary.
    * Ask them about how many times they got owned by the Ottoman Empire.
    * Tell them Romania isn't even a country.
    * Become someone in the goverment and steal from them.
    * Destroy the 2km of roads Romania has.
  • Ask them about the king of Romania, Guta.
  • Remind them they elected two of the most retarded people in Romanian Politics, Vadim Tudor (a anti-hungarian psycho with teritorial demands for Romania from all neibouring countries) and Elena Basescu (The presidents daughter who used money from the Ministry of Tourism to pay for her EU parlament campaign; There was a lot of drama over this.)
Gallery of Romanians

  Romanian subspecies known as "cocalar". That thing around his neck is a specialized organ used for attracting female cocalars, known as "printzese"

  Old romanian wimminz are watching you masturbate

  Romanians are known for buying only expensive designer's clothes, such as MIKE, ADIDUS AND PUWA.

  Romanian gangsters, proving that Darwin was right.

  Romanian Gypsy at work

  Romanians are well known for their mad shooping skillz.

  The romanian ninja is know for his natural pickpocketing tehniques.If he offers to sell you a cell phone, do NOT refuse or you will be swiftly executed.


Famous Romanians

  • Bula - Last Thursday Romanians voted on who the greatest Romanians of all time is. Bula a fictional character came in at place 59. The word "Bula" is a one letter deformation of the word "Pula" which in Romanian means cock.This proves once and for all that Romanians love deformed cock.
  • Gigi Becali - Divine King of Romania, beloved by the people and feared by evil homosexual men and atheists.
  • Ceausescu - former Emperor of the Glorious People's Republic of Romania. Died under  mysterious circumstances during the romanian revolution of 1989
  • George Bacovia - Poet that wrote some really morbid crap because he got AIDS from buttsecks with a goat.
  • Nicolae Guta - Romania's greatest musician and intellectual. Invented the manele.
  • Puya - A gangsta rapper that went dark side. He now combines HipHop with Manele.
  • Vladuz, famous hacker made eBay his bitch for several years and he posted lots of ebay users' passwords and credit card numbers (both of which eBay does not encrypt in its database). Many lulz were had as eBay used to try to cover him up and would send its lawyers after any media or website that mentioned him. He was eventually v&. But got the money in the end.
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